I'm sorry to hear about the issues you're facing with your website designer. While every working relationship is unique, there are some general expectations and norms when it comes to working with a website designer. Let's address your concerns one by one:

1. Drafts and design quality: It's not uncommon for initial drafts to have some imperfections, as they are usually just a starting point. However, it is the responsibility of the website designer to ensure that the final product meets your expectations and is visually appealing. While it's reasonable to provide feedback and request revisions, if you consistently find yourself pointing out basic design flaws, it may indicate a lack of attention to detail on the designer's part.

Example: If the fonts are misaligned and gaps are inconsistent in the draft, it's essential to communicate your concerns and expectations. A professional designer should be able to address these issues promptly and provide you with an improved version.

2. Technical issues and problem-solving: As the website designer, it is their responsibility to handle technical aspects and troubleshoot any problems that arise during the development process. While it's not uncommon for designers to seek assistance from theme or site support, they should take the lead in resolving these issues and communicating the progress to you.

Example: If the menu is not working correctly, the designer should take the initiative to investigate the problem and communicate with the necessary support channels. While you can assist in providing information or access if required, it's primarily their responsibility to find a solution.

3. Backup and security: It is standard practice for website designers to regularly back up websites to prevent data loss. Losing everything due to a lack of backup is a significant oversight on the designer's part and can have severe consequences. It's crucial to prioritize the security and stability of your website.

Example: A responsible designer would have implemented regular backup procedures, ensuring that your website's data is protected. If they failed to do so, it's essential to discuss this issue with them and emphasize the importance of maintaining backups going forward.

In conclusion, while there may be some variations in working styles and expectations, it is generally expected that website designers take responsibility for the quality of their work, technical problem-solving, and ensuring the security of your website. It's important to communicate your concerns openly with your designer and establish clear expectations moving forward.

However, since you mentioned that the designer is a friend of a friend and offered a discounted rate, it may be worth considering the impact on your personal relationship and the cost implications of finding a new designer. If the issues persist and significantly affect your website's functionality and appearance, it might be necessary to explore other options for the sake of your business.