It sounds like you're grappling with a complex and deeply personal question about the nature of love in a long-term relationship. The distinction between being "in love" and simply "loving" someone can indeed vary from person to person, and it’s important to recognize that both feelings can coexist in a marriage.

Understanding Love vs. Being In Love

The phrase "being in love" typically refers to a passionate, romantic love characterized by intense feelings of desire and attraction. This is often what people experience in the early stages of a relationship, where the excitement and chemistry can feel all-consuming. In contrast, "loving" someone can be described as a deeper, more stable form of affection that encompasses care, respect, and commitment, often found in long-term relationships.

Normalizing the Feeling

It's completely normal for the initial passion to evolve over time, especially in a marriage that has spanned over a decade and involved the challenges of raising children. Many couples experience fluctuations in their emotional connection. For example, a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples often report a decline in romantic passion over the years, but this doesn’t necessarily indicate a lack of love or commitment.

Efforts and Progress

You mentioned that you and your husband have sought therapy and made significant progress. This is a commendable step, as it shows a willingness to work on the relationship. Therapy can help couples reconnect and address underlying issues that may be affecting their emotional intimacy. It might be helpful to continue exploring activities that promote bonding and intimacy, such as date nights or shared hobbies, which can reignite that spark.

Reassessing Expectations

It's also worth reassessing what you expect from your relationship. Sometimes, societal narratives about love can set unrealistic standards. The passion and chemistry you once felt may transform into a different, more sustainable form of love. Author and relationship expert John Gottman emphasizes the importance of friendship and emotional support in long-term relationships, which can be just as valuable as romantic passion.

Communication is Key

Have you had open discussions with your husband about how you feel? Sharing your thoughts can foster understanding and potentially lead to solutions that work for both of you. For instance, discussing what "being in love" means to each of you might reveal shared goals or desires that can help you both feel more connected.

Conclusion

Ultimately, feeling "just love" rather than "in love" is a common experience in long-term relationships, and it doesn't have to be a cause for alarm. It’s about finding a balance that works for you and your husband. Love can manifest in many forms, and nurturing a partnership that encompasses both love and friendship can lead to a fulfilling relationship. Remember, it’s okay to seek support and continue exploring these feelings as you navigate this journey together.